Chemo Drunk: I should always present a disclaimer on anything I write, text, or say during chemo. If you have received a text from me during this time, you will understand. Under the influence doesn't even come close.

Clarice: My 1st wig. She met an untimely end. Accidental death by drowning in my washing machine.

Destroyer of Bowels: Irinotecan - chemo drug of choice.

Draining the Tank: When Irinotecan does what it loves to do.

FOLFOX: Abbreviated name of the first 12 rounds of chemo I did

FOLFIRI: Current chemo I'm on.

I Didn't Like Those Panties Anyway: Code for "I just crapped my pants" thanks to Irinotecan.

Maintenance:  When I need a break, I stop full chemo and just do Maintenance, which involves only That Damn Pump and has no side effects. Which means I get to leave the house wearing my fancy little fanny pack.

Maurice: Clarice's fraternal twin brother.

Mummy Leg: When the left leg is multi-layer wrapped for compression to reduce swelling caused by lymphedema.

Team Vanity: Colon cancer has taken a lot, but it will never take my obsession with tweezers. Team Vanity never leaves the house without mascara, even on treatment days.

That Damn Pump: The chemo infusion pump that so many colon cancer patients get to wear for 46 hours.

The Blump: The fat forced up and out at the top of the lymphedema compression garment I wear on my left leg.

Xombie Hands: Hand and Foot Syndrome, as caused by taking the chemo pill Xeloda. My hands and feet looked like they were rotting off while on it. I currently have no finger prints because of this pill, so if you need a crime committed, I'm your girl.

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