8.08.2018

Aunt Barbara

My dad texted me the other night to let me know his sister was dying. Her bout with cancer a few years back had returned, and they opted to keep the information close at hand. He had intended to make the drive down to see her this weekend, knowing it would be his time to say goodbye. But life and cancer had other plans, and she passed away this morning. 

In his text to me a few days ago, my dad relayed that my Uncle Bill said he was ready to let her go. That’s a startling and brave statement to make for a man that I know adored this woman for over 50 years.

It's the last selfless act of a relationship - to tell the one person you never want to be without that it's alright to leave. 

But I know that’s what happens for cancer caregivers and partners. It’s not that they want to say goodbye, but they know the inevitable end is coming whether they like it or not. And the idea of the end bringing long overdue relief is often so much easier than continuing to watch the person they love suffer. 

Death by cancer isn’t the peaceful, quiet, art directed end that Hollywood makes it out to be. It’s not graceful and serene, but months, weeks, and final days filled with pain so uncontrollable the only option in the end is often medicating to the point of sedation. It’s machines, oxygen, tubes, drains, and a withering away of a body that can no longer be nourished as it rots from the inside.

I think death itself isn't want cancer patients fear, but the process it's going to take them to get there. But in all of its brutality, it gives us one gift, and that's the opportunity to say the things we want to say and to say goodbye.

I didn't get to know my Aunt Barbara until I was a teenager, and I found her feisty, witty, opinionated, and never one to bite her tongue. But the humor with which she delivered every line would keep anyone from ever being offended. She loved her family and my Uncle Bill fiercely, and that alone was enough for me to admire and everyone to emulate. 



5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sara, what a beautiful, honest tribute to your Aunt, who was obviously the ultimate warrior during her journey.

You write beautifully and I know your parents are so proud of you!!
I am sorry for your loss and pray for your family.

Nancy Seay
Class of 1967
NNHS
Friend of Connie DeBord

Unknown said...

Thank you for your candid comments and sharing your knowledge and your heart. We have all known it is what is in the inside of a person (their will, spirit, heart) - that matters most.
I had breast cancer 2 years ago and got lymphedema in my actual breast from radiation. Your perspective helps tremendously.

Clara david said...

WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are Clara David I’m a citizen of USA, My younger sister was sicking of
breast cancer and her name is Sandra David I and my family have taking her
to all kind of hospital in USA still yet no good result. I decided to go to
the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I find a lady
called peter Lizzy she was testifies to the world about the goodness of a
herbal man who has the roots and herbs to cure all kind of disease and the
herbal man email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man @herbalist_sakura for my
younger sister help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him
my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be
cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that
I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how
can I receive the cure that I am in USA, he told me
That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can
transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for
the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier
service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week
complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not
knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the
miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the
herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he
didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him
and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if
you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from
the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com or whats app him
+2348110114739 / via his website https://drsakuraspellalter.weebly.com/ you can follow him up on Instagram @herbalist_sakura for the cure, he will help you out with the
problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me
davidclara223@gmail.com 

pamela drews said...

I’m giving a testimony about Dr. KOKOBI the great Herbalist, he has the
cure to all manner of diseases, he cured my  breast cancer, though I
went through different website I saw different testimonies about
different spell casters and herbalist, I was like: ‘Many people have
the breast cancer remedy, So why are people still suffering from it?’ I thought of
it, then I decided to contact kokobiherbalremedycentre@gmail.com , I didn’t believe him that
much, I just wanted to give him a try, he replied my mail and Needed
some Information about me, then I sent them to him, he prepared it
(CURE) and sent it to Airfreight Online Courier Service for delivery,
he gave my details to the Courier Office, they told me that 3-5 days I
will receive the package and i took the medicine as prescribed by him
and I went for check-up 1 week after finishing the medicine, I was
tested breast cancer negative, if you are breast cancer patient or any cancer patient at all. Do me
a favour for you to contact him and I will try my possible best to make
sure you get cured, when you contact him, make sure you tell him that
I referenced you.. contact him via: kokobiherbalremedycentre@gmail.com or message him on whatsapp +254746618873 you can take a look at his website via: https://kokobiherbalremedycentre.weebly.com and for more info message me @ pamela.drews77@gmail.com

mabel said...

OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE QUICK MONEY FOR KIDNEY DONORS;

WE ARE URGENTLY IN NEED OF KIDNEY

DONORS WITH THE SUM OF

$290,000.00 USD, CONTACT US NOW ON

VIA EMAIL FOR MORE

DETAILS. +905488241881

blessedkidneycare@gmail.com

Dr.LUKE PHILIPS OF APPOLO HOSPITAL IN SPECIALIST IN
ORGAN SURGERY FROM UNITED STATE OF AMERICA, BASE IN
INDIA.  blessedkidneycare@gmail.com