|Nothing says let's go outside and enjoy the warmth of|
summer like these multi-layer accessories!
I just couldn't deal with my left butt sag anymore. This compression tight I wear on my left leg is designed to go all the way up to that fine dividing line between butt and thigh, which is awesome for someone who carries 95% of her body fat right there. You know when you squeeze a balloon animal and one end gets big from all air? Use that as a visual for what was happening here. The garment was creating a butt lump, or what I've taken to calling The Blump. There will be no illustrative ass photos here, so use your imagination or go buy some balloons and start squeezing.
I know far too many women who don't leave the house without their Spanx on, so I hoped they could do the mighty job of smoothing things over back there. Within 30 minutes of putting them on, I think I dislocated my downstairs lady bits. Within an hour my intestines started to cramp. And by the end of the evening I couldn't pull them off fast enough.
But like any good soul, I asked them out on a second date. We are going to have to make this relationship work for the sake of 80% of my wardrobe and the even appearance of my backside while fully dressed. At least I don't have that extra 10 inches of colon taking up space, so make room intestines! My internal organs are just going to have to take one for Team Vanity here. I've adjusted my wardrobe accordingly, and added a few maxi dresses to the closet, making my compression garment much less noticeable to anyone not paying attention, which is probably most people.
Cheers to the rest of summer, and my unevenly tanned legs.