|No, not that kind of tea party kids!|
As long as he can move on to other women before prom.
Though he doesn't know what it's called, he knows I'm sick. He routinely talks about me going to the hospital to have that "big red thing" taken out of my belly. He obvious knows that I go to the doctor constantly and often "go stay at Mimi's house so I can take naps" after getting my "special medicine." And in the days after chemo, he'll often come to me on the couch and ask me if I feel good enough to do a puzzle with him or play a game. Like most kids his age, he's observant and notices when mommy stops driving in the fast lane around the house.
My absence doesn't go unnoticed either. And though I knew he may not remember a 30 minute tea party 20 years from now, he'd have remembered if I hadn't been there because I was sick. Cancer and chemo have already robbed me of so many moments with my kids. For that I will never forgive it.
I'm sure as he gets older, he'll still talk about me being sick. And eventually we will be able to start using all those big girl words that we currently spell out when around him. Our only motivation for spelling them is not to hide him from some reality he's clearly aware of, but to protect his precarious mind from hearing the word "cancer" or "chemo" in relation to death or dying. He's very obsessed with the subject of heaven right now and I don't want him to ever get wind that there's even the most remote chance that what I'm dealing with could be associated with death.
I try and prepare him a few days out that my time to go away is upon us. I spent yesterday bestowing on him the job of watering the plants and garden. He knows how to fill up the watering can from the rain barrel and knows which flowers and plants need to be watered around the backyard. He thrives on responsibility and this will be a good way for him to fill my void while I'm gone. To know that he can take care of things while I am gone will help grow his character and hopefully strengthen his little soul.
|Tea for Two.|