Epic Fail

I guess sitting on the couch watching Antique Roadshow and eating my tarty vitamin Cs like a roll of Sweet Tarts isn't working.

Today was my day!

As predicted last week by the PA, my white blood counts would be low enough this week to warrant a booster shot. But much to my misinterpretation, the shot will not be delaying treatment.

This is good in that I'll at least be awake for Easter.

This is bad in that I won't get an extra week on my wellness vacation.

This is good in that chemo works best when delivered without delay.

This is bad in that I still don't feel 100%, so my 8 glorious days are turning out to be 8 7 6 glorious days.

The shot, Neuprogen, is a white cell booster and standard practice to get those suckers to perk up. If only it perked other things up. Specifically, it motivates those neurophils I blogged about a few weeks ago to get out of bed and stop being so lazy. Silly neurophils, thinking chemo is a good reason for them not to do their job.

My PICC nurse warned me yesterday of potential bone pain, and my oncology nurse told me today that I could expect to feel like I have the flu. Or mad cow disease maybe? I'm suppose to warm them if I'm allergic to drugs that contain the E. coli bacteria before receiving the shot. Because we all know if we're allergic to E. coli, right?

I currently still feel crappy, so I'm just going to feel even crappier thanks to a dose of E. coli derived proteins. Perhaps I need to come up with a "crappy" chart like the pain charts they have in the hospital so the world can know where I am on my crappy scale.

Or better yet, Hyperbole and a Half's version:

So I'm crappy. I got a crappy shot. I'm going to get the same crappy shot tomorrow. And in a week, I'll be feeling craptastic after my fifth round of chemo.

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