Clean as a Whistle
I walked in to my colonoscopy clean as a whistle thanks to an overdose of Miralax, and I came out clean as a whistle. Or at least, that's how one might describe my perfectly perfect colon.
I officially have the colon a 34 year old should have! No polyps and as pretty as a healthy colon could be!
After an entire day on pure liquids, I was so excited to wake up Friday morning and not be allowed to eat or drink leading up to my 2pm appointment. I was irritable to say the least and everyone was warned that crossing my path could be brutal. Brutal!
That never works.
He never gives up.
"WALL-E is a robot. Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom?"
With a lack of coffee and in a major food deficit, I came unglued. Part of me felt bad, but I know he's resilient and of course he bounced right back.
"Those are power lines that take electricity to our house and make the fridge work and the Tivo record and turn the lights on. Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom? Right, mom?"
I just groveled, turned the radio up even louder and sped up. 4 year olds don't understand that talking to mommies who haven't had coffee is a very scary road to go down.
Leading up to this next, "complete" colonoscopy, I wondered what was left to discover. I'd already had my insides lit up like a Christmas tree during the CT scan. And Dr. Ramirez man-handled my large intestine during the colectomy I have no doubt. But given the discovery of the tumor and my potential for a genetic link to colon cancer, I assumed they would find and remove polyps during this pooper prodding party.
I was already being told that I would need a colonoscopy every year, which was a small price to pay given what had already happened. I was almost at ease because I knew even the worst news wouldn't be that bad. I'd already gotten the worst news out of the way. Now I was just potentially looking at some polyps and preventative action.
After they wheeled me back into recovery and fetched Kyle, he told us the news. I peeked out of the one eye I could barely open and asked: "Not even a polyp?"
Not even a polyp.